What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 11:57
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i do to all so called friends.?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
Why do Muslims not get HIV/AIDS in spite of having 4 wives and multiple relationships?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was in good health!
What are the most meaningful Jewish jokes that reveal insights about Jewish culture?
Who then, do I blame.?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
How do you know how physically attractive you actually are?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I think the readers, may guess!
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why do old men think young women and girls would want them over guys their own age?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Are Indian youths conservative or liberal?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My blog is new. I need 10 article posts for my blog. How much should I pay for it?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She married twice! .
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I don,t even have a pension.
So whats the point in blame.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
All the time i was locked up.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I have no regrets .
I was seconnd youngest,
This is soul school!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It was going to be , some day.
She loved him until the end.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She found it foreign!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We were not on the streets..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I said to her
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i lived it daily.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I will be 64.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
When she asked me how she looked .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Ive learnt so much.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was 9 years of age.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She wouldn,t have been !
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He knew the spot.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My family never makes their pension either.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Would this be the day?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One cannot live in the past .
So, i spoilt her more .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We all went to grammer schools
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was scared of men, in general
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it wasn’t much.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My life is so biszare .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
What did i know ?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im still living with it.
I write beautiful poetry .
I couldn’t, believe it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Put me off passion for life!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.